How to improve your relationship with social media for better mental health
If you’re anything like most young people, social media isn’t just something you use – it’s something you live inside of.
It’s often the first thing you see when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you look at before you fall asleep. Without really meaning to, your nervous system has become used to spending more time online than it does in your actual, offline life.
And we’ve gotten so used to it that we rarely pause to think about the effect it may be having on us.
The truth is … social media isn’t inherently bad. It can be entertaining, connecting, inspiring and informative. And that can actually be great for our mental health in some cases.
But when it starts to feel compulsive, draining or emotionally destabilizing, it’s worth pausing and asking a deeper question:
Why am I doing this? And how is this actually affecting me?
As a therapist, I see more and more young adults struggling with anxiety, low mood, burnout, comparison and attention issues. And while social media is rarely the only cause, it often plays a much bigger role than we realize or would like to admit.
My goal for this article isn’t to get you to quit social media altogether or shame you for being on your phone too much. Rather, I’d like to help you build a healthier, more intentional relationship with it, one that supports your mental health instead of quietly destroying it.
Unhealthy social media use and mental health in young people
Social media has become woven into almost every part of daily life for young people.
It’s how many of us stay connected, express ourselves, learn new things, relax and pass the time. So when we talk about its impact on mental health, it’s important to be nuanced.
Using social media doesn’t automatically mean something is “wrong.”
In fact, in many cases it can be genuinely supportive, helping people feel less alone, find community or access information and inspiration they wouldn’t otherwise have.
The issue tends to arise not from using social media, but from how, why, and how often we use it.
When social media becomes mostly passive (e.g. endless scrolling, constant comparison, consuming without intention) or you become dependent on using it as a way to regulate your emotions, it can start to affect your mental health, causing increased anxiety, low mood, irritability, difficulty concentrating or a sense of never feeling quite satisfied or “enough.”
One of the biggest challenges when it comes to social media is that these effects often build up slowly and gradually. You don’t wake up one day thinking “Oh yeah - social media is definitely harming my mental health!”
Instead, you just slowly continue to feel more tired, more distracted and more overwhelmed. And the entire time you really struggle to pinpoint why.
That’s why awareness is such a crucial first step. Noticing how you use social media and how it makes you feel gives you back a sense of choice. And from there, change becomes possible.
Tip #1: Break the dependence first
If your social media use has started to feel compulsive rather than intentional, the most helpful first step is often to create some real distance from it, not just by “using it less” but actually interrupting the automatic pattern at its core.
A lot of people like doing a longer social media detox to kickstart their journey. That can usually look like a period of somewhere between one to four weeks, where you step away from the most stimulating platforms like Instagram, TikTok, YouTube or Snapchat.
At first, cutting out these platforms can feel surprisingly uncomfortable. You might feel bored, restless or like you’re missing something really important. You’ll constantly find yourself reaching for your phone or tapping the spot where your social media app used to be - only to find that there is nothing there.
That kind of reaction alone is really valuable information. It shows you how much your brain has learned to rely on social media for stimulation, distraction or emotional regulation.
Another helpful strategy is to create small hurdles between you and your phone. This could look like:
Keeping your phone in another room while studying or sleeping
Logging out of apps instead of staying signed in
Turning your phone to grayscale
Another very powerful (and surprisingly effective) practice I often suggest is building awareness around why you’re reaching for your phone.
Each time you pick it up, pause and ask yourself (ideally out loud if you can): “Why am I using this right now?”
Are you bored? Avoiding a task? Feeling anxious? Lonely? Overstimulated?
Just naming the reason out loud can create a moment of space for your brain to break the mindless scrolling and help you recognize the emotional patterns driving your use.
The goal with all of these tactics isn’t to make your life harder or to remove social media use from your life altogether. It’s to slow things down enough that your behavior becomes a conscious choice again, rather than a mindless reflex.
At this point, it’s also important to acknowledge that for some people, social media addiction isn’t really about social media at all. It’s a coping strategy. A way to numb, distract or self-soothe when something in your life feels overwhelming.
In those cases, reducing screen time or removing social media altogether without addressing the deeper emotional needs first often doesn’t have a very long lasting effect.
Instead, therapy can be incredibly helpful. Working with a therapist allows you to explore what you’re actually reaching for when you scroll – comfort, escape, connection, validation – and develop healthier ways to meet those needs without relying on your phone.
Tip #2: Become more mindful of what you’re consuming online
Once you’ve created a bit of distance from social media and you’re ready to take it up in a healthier way, the first step would be to be honest about what you’re actually letting into your mind every day.
Social media isn’t just something you “use.” It’s something you consume emotionally, psychologically and even physiologically.
Just like food, not everything you consume will leave you feeling nourished.
Start paying attention to how different content makes you feel.
Do certain accounts leave you feeling anxious, inadequate, behind or not good enough?
Do you notice comparison spirals, self-criticism or mood drops after scrolling on certain profiles?
If the answer is yes, that’s feedback!
Give yourself permission to unfollow, mute or remove content that drains you, even if it’s from people you know in real life.
At the same time, be intentional about what you invite in.
Follow accounts that feel grounding, inspiring or genuinely supportive. Content that makes you feel calmer, more connected or more like yourself rather than constantly pressured to be someone else.
Curating your feed isn’t about creating an unrealistically positivity bubble. It’s about reducing unnecessary emotional noise so that your nervous system isn’t constantly being bombarded with things that are making you feel awful.
Tip #3: Set firm limits around screen time
Even with a well-curated feed, your screen time can still add up and start to quietly wear you down.
One of the most supportive things you can do is add clear boundaries around how much time you spend on social media, especially during parts of the day when your mental energy is already low.
This might look like:
Using built-in app time limits or third-party app blockers
Muting non-essential notifications so you’re not constantly pulled back in
Creating phone-free windows during your day or week (for example: no phone 1h after waking and 1h before bed or no social media on the weekend)
Constant stimulation keeps your nervous system in a low-level state of alert, even when you’re not actively aware of it.
Reducing your screen time allows your body and mind to slow down, process your emotions and reset, which is such an essential part of mental health.
Tip #4: Shift your focus to more offline activities
One of the biggest challenges with social media is that it is slowly but surely replacing all of our real-world experiences with digital ones – without us fully noticing.
As you try to implement some of the previous tips and start spending less time online, you may find yourself with more unstructured time and space in your day.
At first, that space can feel really uncomfortable or boring.
But it’s also where healing and reconnection begin.
Try intentionally filling that space with offline activities that ground you in your body and your environment:
Going for walks without headphones
Moving your body in ways that feel good
Spending time with friends face-to-face
Taking up new activities or hobbies that don’t involve a screen
These experiences regulate your nervous system in ways social media never will be able to. They bring you back into the present moment, into your body and into real connection with yourself.
Tip #5: Do regular, smaller social media detoxes
Even after you’ve built a healthier relationship with social media, it’s easy to slip back into old patterns – especially during stressful or emotional periods.
That’s why regular, intentional mini-detoxes can be incredibly helpful.
This might look like:
Taking one day a week or a month completely off social media
Logging out of apps during exam weeks or extremely stressful periods
Doing a short reset every few months to reassess how social media is affecting you
These kinds of shorter breaks can help prevent dependency from slowly creeping back into your life. They give you a chance to check in with yourself and ask: “Is my current use still supporting my mental health?”
Final thoughts: It’s not about social media – it’s about your relationship with it!
At the end of the day, social media itself isn’t the enemy. It’s a tool. And like any tool, the impact it has on your mental health depends on how and why you’re using it.
Remember that the ultimate goal with social media isn’t complete abstinence, perfection or constant discipline. It’s a sense of flexibility with it and an awareness of how you use it that you can realistically keep up in the long-run.
Social media will likely always be part of our lives in some way or another and that’s okay.
What matters most is that you stay in charge of the relationship, not the other way around.
If you’re finding it hard to change these patterns on your own, therapy can be incredibly helpful.
Working with a therapist gives you a supportive, judgment-free space to understand what’s driving your social media habits, develop healthier coping strategies and build routines that feel more balanced and sustainable.
If that sounds like something you’re interested in, I offer compassionate and evidence-based therapy for young people in California. I’d love to connect and see how I can help you on your journey!
Are you looking for an online young adult therapist in California?
If at any point during your time in college you feel too isolated, overwhelmed or unsure of how to move forward, know that professional 1:1 support is always available.
My name is Justine Gordon, I’m a licensed online therapist in California and I offer a compassionate, judgment-free space for young adults to process their feelings, reconnect with themselves and find grounding as they move through this transformative phase of young adulthood.